What is the Drama Triangle?
November 27, 2020
What is Counselling?
Have you ever wondered what counselling might look like? Do you find yourself wondering what goes on inside the counselling room? Or have a view about the types of people who go to counselling?
We are in 2020, and although opinion and perceptions around all things relating to mental health are improving, sadly there are still are a lot of myths and stereotypes around this subject and counselling does not escape them.
Before I continue, I am briefly going to look at the term ‘Mental Health’ as this term can be a bit scary for us human beings. We have physical health and mental health. We tend to separate the two, but really, they go hand in hand and have equal importance. Our physical health means how our bodies are operating. Our mental health means how our emotions and feelings are operating. The big difference between the two is that while many of us find it relatively easy to talk about our physical health, we cannot say the same about our mental health. Many people feel uncomfortable talking about feelings and emotions and will avoid it at all costs. It is healthy to know how you are feeling emotionally and physically, and your overall health will benefit if you can view them in equal terms.
So, back to counselling. When someone asks me what I do for a living, and I reply with I am a counsellor. People often respond with, ‘oh, that must be a sad job?’ or,’ I could not sit there for an hour talking about myself, I get on with it’. These types of response amuse me and irritate me at the same time, but the one thing that they do is get me thinking about the myths and stereotypes that still exist in our society today. These myths, misconceptions and stereotypes can be stigmatizing and get in the way, discouraging people from seeking help when they need it.
One common misconception is that people who seek help through counselling are weak or a failure. You may believe that seeking counselling means you are broken, flawed and cannot cope with managing your own life. You may ask yourself what is wrong with you? Why can’t you handle life? Why can’t you be like others? They seem to do okay. These thoughts and feelings are common, and there is no blame or shame for feeling like this.
Society, family, and friends often send out, spoken or unspoken messages that you should be coping, you should keep your problems to yourself, you should focus on the positives and not dwell on the negatives. You may have grown up in a family where you did not tell others about your problems, you kept them as a family secret, or pretend to the outside world that all is fine. The thoughts of revealing them to a stranger bring you feelings of shame or guilt and can leave you feeling trapped.
Seeking help to understand and manage your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of great strength. It means that you want something in your life to change, and you are taking an active role to address a problem. It does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are a failure. Life is hard and has a habit of tossing us around, but that does not mean that your life experiences cannot be good. Choosing to get help means you want something greater for yourself, a better life. That does not sound like a failure to me; it sounds like a victory.
So, what goes on in the counselling room? What we imagine can be scary and fill us with anxiety. You might be thinking, what if I do not know where to start? Will my counsellor believe my issues are silly? Will it be painful to relive my past experiences? These thoughts are common and can cause undue anxiety amongst those considering counselling.
Let me walk you through some of what you can expect. Knowing where to start can feel daunting. Clients often begin by saying that they don’t understand or know why they are there. Remember, that it can be challenging to put into words what you are feeling, mainly if you have not been able to explore and express your emotions in the past. I am trained and skilled in this, and it will not be long before you are talking about what is going on for you.
Will I think your issues are silly? We have all had situations in life that have been challenging and well-meaning friends or family have reminded us that others are worse off, In some hope that that will be enough to make us feel better. My view is that a scale of what issues are more worthy of counselling does not exist. I create a safe and non-judgemental space where whatever you are experiencing in life, that is causing you to feel pain and is holding you back, is valid, and has importance.
Will it be painful? People come to counselling for a whole range of issues, and the worry of counselling being too painful is real. Why would anyone want to engage in something that might be emotionally painful? People bury and avoid painful feelings for a host of reasons but remember that as you begin to face and work through them in a safe space, it can lead to a happier and more fulfilled life. In counselling you can expect to experience a range of emotions, some of them will be painful and some will leave you feeling relieved and understood
Before I sign off from this blog, I want to address a misconception that those who go to counselling are self-absorbed. Imagine someone wants to become a nurse. To carve out a nursing career pathway, someone will need to learn a lot about nursing and a lot of time and energy will go into gaining the qualifications to become a nurse. Now consider if you would say to a student nurse that they are doing ‘too much’ research in their chosen career or gaining ‘too much’ knowledge about nursing? Unlikely, right? Now consider if you can say the same for you and your life. If your life is not how you imagined it and there is something that is getting in the way of you leading the life you want, why is it not okay to apply the same time and energy and gain some knowledge about you? I do not consider that anyone can have’ too much’ knowledge about themselves? I also do not believe that it is self-absorbed if you want or need to understand why you think, feel, and behave in specific ways. This exploration and understanding about yourself are required to bring about change and help you to carve out the life you want and deserve.
Hayley Smith – bluebird counselling. October 2020
